With New Years resolutions flying here and there, most people are focusing on who they can become, not who they were. Yet I sit here in the floor with my 8 month old daughter as she plays, still in my pjs at lunchtime and wondering why I ate a chocolate doughnut for breakfast not long ago (not to mention why I even had such crap in my house to begin with!). Rachel has become very clingy over the holiday break and won’t let me get a foot away from her for most of the day. Getting a shower on days when I’m home by myself with her is an achievement these days. So I’m sitting here feeling a little sorry for myself, though it’s been great hanging with my little mini-me and watching her learn new stuff everyday. People everywhere are focusing on making improvements to their lives, but I can’t help but find myself looking back to my old self, the one who would have gotten a great run in this morning, who would have had a yummy protein shake for breakfast, and who would already be in the middle of a fun new workout program. She would throw on her cute workout outfit whenever the mood struck her and get down to business. Or she’d lay around reading a good book after her morning run, enjoying her coffee and planning what to do with the rest of her last leisurely day off from work. She might go shopping, make a new running playlist, or work on a new painting. As a new mom, I feel guilty about even thinking this way. I love my daughter and have enjoyed the past two weeks with her. Though I no longer have the ability to focus only on myself for the new year, becoming a mother helps me to focus on a new type of resolution, one that isn’t so selfish. Because as much as I know that I still need lots of improvement, now my resolve is based on what’s best for my family. I want to unplug more, get angry and stressed less often, and show Rachel all the love and attention that is possible. No new workout plan can compare to the life-changing power of a sweet baby. Becoming mother is a far greater achievement than becoming hottie ever could be. The road and my running shoes will be there. Rachel will only cling to me for a short while. There will be a day when she won’t need to reach for my hand as she tries to stand on her own.
End of Year Update December 21, 2012
I am finally out for Christmas break! Yay! I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve updated this blog. This year has been such a crazy one. After two miscarriages, Jamie and I are patiently expecting a sweet little baby girl next spring that we’ve already named Rachel Annaliese. We are slowly getting things together for her arrival. I love buying cute little girly clothes to put on her. Jamie and I are about to head out to look for her a wardrobe that we can store all these sweet little finds in. I am 21 weeks, 1 day today. My tummy is huge, and everyone swears that it’s twins and that i’ll never last until May. I figure she will come early myself, but I hope not too early! i want her to have lots of time to get ready for the world while protected in Mama’s belly. I definitely am not rushing things. i am still learning tons of things about babies and will be taking birthing and breastfeeding classes in January. There is so much to do before she arrives, and I am sure the next four months will fly buy.
We’re Having a Baby! February 26, 2012
I am just over 4 weeks pregnant and due November 1, 2012. I haven’t posted in a while, because I didn’t really trust myself not to say anything on here, even though I have been keeping a daily journal of all the goings-on since February 8th. I just got a positive test result a few days ago, but I have known for a few weeks that something was definitely going on with my body. I seemed to have almost every pregnancy symptom in the book! I even bought a few baby things over a week ago at a gift shop. That’s how confident I was that a baby was on the way!
I know it seems early to be shouting this from the mountaintops. That’s something that I’ve actually struggled with a good bit since realizing what was going on with my body. I finally decided that no matter what happens, I want the support and prayers of my family and friends. Just as I expect to share in my joys with them, I am not afraid to suffer sorrows with them. Besides, I couldn’t spend the next month in fear and silence. This is a time for celebration, after all!
The first we told was my parents. I had a really rough time trying to get them to come over. My dad was tired from work and didn’t want to do any traveling. I finally persuaded them by telling them that I had a gift that I’d found the day before and wanted to give them, but I had to give it to them both or it’d just have to wait. So they came, and I handed them a little yellow gift bag with this inside:
My mom jumped up and down and hugged us after the she read the bib aloud to my dad, and I think you could have knocked my dad over with a feather. It was a sweet surprise for them. I messed up the surprise to Jamie, so I wanted to surprise someone! *lol* I had gotten two negative tests last weekend, which had really bummed me out, even though I knew it was too early to be testing. The morning I took the pregnancy test, I had planned to hand him this cute little rattle I’d bought and then the pregnancy test when it dawned on him. Well, I was so surprised to see the line that I came into the living room and asked him if he saw it, too! We still had a very sweet moment together, standing there in the kitchen looking at the test and hugging. Our lives are really about to change!
Babies July 6, 2011
With all our friends having babies here lately, Jamie and I have definitely had babies on our mind. We’ve been putting off having a family for a while because we wanted a nice, spacious house and to be settled and doing well financially, and I wanted him to be closer to retiring from the military before having any little ones. After spending a few hours with a couple of my nieces this past weekend at the Collins Family Reunion, I am really conflicted about whether I want to have girls or boys if I get pregnant. I was sure having a little boy would be the best. Other than breaking bones or partying too much with friends as teenagers, they don’t get into near the trouble that girls can. I was a wild child in my teen years and know all too well the precarious situations I put myself into over and over again. I was one of the more level-headed ones, too! I honestly was very lucky, because I could have ruined my life in several different ways had things gone just a little differently in some of those situations. So the idea of having a girl terrifies me. But my nieces Kira and Emily were so adorable and well-mannered little girls. It may be odd for an adult to say, but hanging out with those little girls actually made the family reunion more enjoyable for me. It’s so much easier to talk to children, I think. I could definitely see having a little girl now, even though I know I’d worry over her 10 times as much as I would a little boy. Of course, it’s God’s decision to decide what I’d have if I got pregnant. I think that either would be great. Of course, I’ve always said I’d rather have twins and just have a big family all at once (and one less pregnancy to go through!), so maybe I could have one of each! :o)