Sweet Silver Lining

just watching the clouds…

Do Not Stand at My Grave July 22, 2010

Filed under: raNdOMnesS — dragonfly180 @ 8:29 pm
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“Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep”

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

written by Mary Elizabeth Frye

I came across this poem the other day, and it really spoke to me. For years now, I guess since my grandfather died and then my grandmother, I have felt that although graves of loved ones are sacred, we shouldn’t necessarily make a shrine out of them or be preoccupied with flowers and decorations for them. And I certainly don’t feel that someone’s grave is the only place where I can speak to them when I feel like I need to. I have talked to my grandmaw in the car on the road I used to drive to go see in her the summer, in my bed in the quiet hours of the night, and in the woods when I’d see a flower or a berry patch that reminded me of her. I’ve probably spoken to her in more places than I even realize. I don’t need a cold stone to touch or leaves and grass at my bended knee to help comfort me. I know in my heart that there is an afterlife, an existence after this one has passed away.

My Christian beliefs lead me to be certain that there is no end to our existence if we have accepted the gift of salvation. I think that at funerals, I feel more sorrow not from sadness that I won’t see the person again but from the uncertainty I always feel about the state of one’s soul and if he or she was truly saved. This may seem odd, but this is what always goes through my mind during a funeral. I think it’s why I was more distraught at my grandfather’s funeral than at my grandmother’s. I was closer to my grandmaw, but I felt a little more confident in her belief in God. I don’t know if my granddaddy was saved. We weren’t close, and I’d not had more than a few brief conversations with him during my whole adulthood. Well, my whole life, really. The thought of a lost soul, a soul that I knew personally, tore me up inside.

I haven’t been to my grandmaw’s grave since we buried her in 2006. The graveyard is set way back in the woods down a gravel road, and there are no houses anywhere near it. The church isn’t even used for regular services anymore, and people are rarely buried out there these days. It’s not the kind of place you want to go alone, that’s for sure. But I don’t feel bad about not going out there because I know that her spirit does not dwell there. Only her body rests there now.


running escapism July 19, 2010

Filed under: fitness,hEaLtH,running — dragonfly180 @ 9:54 am
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remember how i wrote after the cruise that we should try to play more in our daily lives? well, running is like that for me. it’s my playtime, my time to just do something for the sake of having fun. not every run is fun, obviously. but a child doesn’t always have fun doing what he/she is doing either. there are obviously differences in making mud pies and running, but what we do have in common is the escapism of it. we get to escape from the mundane and find ourselves feeling different, doing something different, being someone different for a little while. and a race is like field day! it’s exciting. it’s so much fun to see all those people around you getting ready and to feel the excitement everywhere. it’s awesome having people on the sidelines to support you and cheer you on. and even if you never place, when you step over that line after a hard effort, you feel like you just got pinned with a blue ribbon.

some may wonder why i get up on a saturday morning and run for more than an hour. well, i cannot not do it once i’ve got my mind set on it. the alarm goes off, and i think, ‘no, i’ve only had 5 hours of sleep. i’ll run later.’ then, i turn over and bury my face in my pillow and the covers. then i wonder if it’s cool outside. no, sleep time. then i wonder if this might be the day that i can go one mile farther than i thought. no, time to get my zzzzz’s. then i think about the cute little goats that call out to me in curiosity as i run by and the beautiful brown mare that always runs to the fence whinnying, hoping i have some hay or oats. &#@%, time to get up to run!  haha! happens every saturday morning. it’s because i anticipate and look forward to that time on the road. what adventure will my next long run be?


my half-marathon training plan July 12, 2010

Filed under: fitness,hEaLtH,running — dragonfly180 @ 1:01 pm
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I am using Hal Higdon’s novice half marathon training plan, but I plan on adding in Chalean Extreme to keep up my ST. You can find the novice plan here:

So here is what my training plan will look like, unless I decide to change it (CLX stands for Chalean Extreme, by the way):

Sunday – CLX Burn Circuit 1, CLX Ab Burner, CLX Recharge

Monday – run

Tuesday – CLX Burn Circuit 2, elliptical or bike

Wednesday – run, CLX Burn Intervals, CLX Ab Burner

Thursday – CLX Burn Circuit 3, short run (speedwork)

Friday – Crunch yoga dvd, CLX Ab Burner
OR Turbo Jam Fat Blaster, CLX Ab Burner
OR CLX Burn It Off, CLX Ab Burner

Saturday – long run, light stretch yoga

As you can see, Friday is my whatever-I-feel-like day. I think you just need to schedule in those sometimes. If I have something else to do or I just feel too tired to work out that day and need to rest, I won’t feel as guilty about it. This plan may be too much for me to handle once school starts back in a few weeks, so we’ll see how it goes and reassess when the time comes. I may, at that time, cut back to strictly running and the 3 ST workouts and forego extra cardio unless I’m just feeling particularly good. I will also probably switch things around once my mileage gets up so that I’m not doing too much in one day. As a friend reminded me, I need to be very careful not to over train while doing this. I definitely don’t want an injury to mess up my goal.


Run for your LIFE! July 10, 2010

I started running four years ago (come October) because I wanted to live a healthier, happier life. It was very slow in the beginning with lots of trial and error. Eventually I sped up from the slow crawl I was doing on my treadmill by getting out in my neighborhood to run. I remember how hard that was, not only physically but much more so mentally.  My “run” was a quick shuffle, and I had stuff bouncing and swaying that I definitely didn’t want the whole neighborhood to see. It took a lot of courage to get out there. I began to love running because it was my time to sort things out in my mind, to feel fast (hey, I was going faster than walkers anyway. Well ,usually!), and to feel like I’d accomplished something good and admirable when I was done. After a while, I got the 5K racing itch and ran my first 5K at the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Tupelo. It was so fun and was just the beginning of many 5Ks to follow. This past fall, I trained for a 10K and ran farther than that late in my training. Unfortunately, a bad thunderstorm came in the night of the race, and I abandoned hopes of completing it. After that, I sort of lost my motivation for running. I’d trained so hard and didn’t get to run the race, so I was a bit discouraged. I got into other things, specifically P90X and Chalean Extreme, and put running on the back-burner.

A month or two ago, I heard about a race in October in Madison, MS, called the Run for Life Marathon and Half-Marathon. Although the marathon seems like too long of a distance to run, I had hoped to one day run a half-marathon. Of course, I assumed it’d be some years down the road when I’m a “seasoned” runner. So then I thought, am I not a seasoned runner now? I know I am able to run a 10K distance. Why not a half-marathon? Besides, what better way to celebrate my 30th birthday, which is about 2 weeks before the race. And what solidified it was that this race welcomes walkers, so if I bonked and ran out of steam too early on, I could just finish it by walking. So that’s how I talked myself into running the half this fall. I’m really excited about it. This is the only half around here that isn’t held in the freezing cold of winter or in the middle of our sweltering summer, which other people, I’ve heard, call spring. We don’t have those in Mississippi :o) So as I train for this event, I will keep my blog updated on my progress as a sort of training journal.

For this week, I ran several short 2-mile runs to get myself back into it. It was pretty hard, especially on days when it wasn’t rainy and was so incredibly hot and humid. This morning, I had to get up at 4 a.m. (after 4 hours of sleep!) to take Jamie to Winona to catch a ride to the armory, and when I came back home, it was lightly raining. Instead of going back to bed, which I really wanted to do, I downed a Red Bull (sugar-free!) and dressed for my run. I bought a few new running shorts yesterday to help with my motivation. I just love running clothes. So I put on my new black UA shorts and a moisture-wicking shirt and headed out. The rain had slowed to a very fine mist, just perfect for running. It was still cool out, about 75-78 degrees. I was determined to do a 4-mile LR this morning. Although it was wonderfully cool and my breathing was really good, there were times when I thought that lower back pain (from not being used to running and biking so much) and my achy right knee were going to have me fall short of my goal. I did the entire 4 miles, though, and at a 12 minute per mile pace, which isn’t too bad considering that I was trying to slow down to 1:30 to 2:00 per mile slower than race pace like the long distance runners on Runner’s World advise for the long run, so I accomplished that. It felt so good to do that long of a distance. I felt like a runner again!


decorating update July 8, 2010

Filed under: decorating — dragonfly180 @ 11:44 am

we’re finally getting stuff done to the house again. work really messes up my time, but i can get stuff done during the summer, at least. i’m painting the hallway now, and we finally got cute curtains up in the living room. i hope to finally paint my bathroom next week. we’ve also fixed up our back porch and gotten furniture out there. i promise to post pics soon!